My cousin has cancer. How can I help?

Originally published in the Lincoln Tribune, Apr. 22, 2008

Q: My cousin has been diagnosed with an advanced cancer. I would like to help her, but I don't know what she needs right now. What can I do?

A: Talk to them about hospice and how it could help with your cousin's situation. Although modern hospices serve patients with a variety of illnesses, hospices were founded specifically to serve cancer patients like your cousin. Is she often tired, or in pain? Is she going back and forth to the hospital and would rather stay home? What about her caregiver -- is he or she overwhelmed with caring for your cousin on top of work and all those other family responsibilities? If any of your answers are "yes," hospice may be able to ease the strain on your cousin and the whole family.

Mentioning hospice may seem daunting if you do not have a close relationship with your cousin. Talking with healthy loved ones about their healthcare wishes can be difficult (see my Apr. 15 column); discussing hospice with someone who has cancer can be even more so. Keep in mind that the best gift you can give your family is to have someone who understands their struggle. Speak frankly with them about what kinds of support they may need -- like assistance with your cousin's medical care or helping her with the tasks of daily living, like bathing or dressing. They may even be looking for spiritual guidance. A hospice care team can help with all of those issues and more, such as paying for medications related to the illness, medical equipment and supplies, all of which reduce the stress on your cousin and the whole family.

Your cousin's doctor can refer you to a good hospice. You might also contact the county health department or stop by a community health fair. If you prefer to look online, the Carolinas Center for Hospice and End of Life Care has an excellent Hospice Locator at http://www.carolinasendoflifecare.org. Whichever route you choose, I hope you and your family are able to find the support you need in the days ahead.

Readers, don't be afraid to send questions about your loved ones to asklinda@pchcv.org; your name and email will be kept completely confidential. See you next week!