Q: My father-in-law is in the hospital, and they have told us he may not last much longer. My mother-in-law is close to a breakdown. What are our options?
A: Your whole family needs extra care and compassion in the days ahead. Let's begin with your father-in-law.
● Ask his doctor for an inpatient admission to hospice. It's crucial for the whole family that hospice be involved in the coming days. Many hospitals partner with a hospice to offer services on-site, without ever moving patients from their beds. Does your father-in-law want to stay in the hospital? Is something preventing him from moving? If so, an inpatient admission to hospice may be the answer.
● Move to a more comfortable location. If your father-in-law can be moved, the hospice care team can follow him wherever he goes—and being away from the hospital might relieve some of your mother-in-law's stress. Is going home an option? If not, I suggest a transfer to a hospice house or long-term care facility where he can receive a high level of care in a comforting, homelike environment. Ask the hospital social worker or hospice team member to help you find nearby facilities.
● Get help for the whole family. Your mother-in-law is obviously not doing well; my guess is that your wife and the rest of the family aren't, either. Whether your father-in-law is at home, in the hospital, or in a facility, hospice nurses, counselors and chaplains are available to support and educate the whole family during this difficult time. Tell the hospice team member you are concerned in particular about your mother-in-law, and would like to get her and the family more emotional and spiritual support.
If a family you know is going through a difficult time like this, I encourage you to give them a call or stop by to see them. A few minutes of your time can make a world of difference.
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